A personal revelation: I talk about this with much passion because I was actually betrayed in the past. I lent money to someone whom I thought was in dire need, only to be told later that the very same person even spoke ill of me behind my back *that was major ouch!*. Of course back then no one knew I had lent this person money or that this person’s check written out to me had bounced (if they knew then, it would’ve immediately invalidated the other person’s claims). In the end though, the truth prevailed, as the cliché goes. The best part is, I didn’t even need to say a word in my defense 🙂 *Thank God for that! :)*
Back then, I was so disgusted with myself. I hated what happened to me, and hated the very thought that I gave this person a chance. To think I thought I was helping that person, and to think I was seriously worried about that person’s well- being at the time I forked over my check. I had high hopes for positive change for this person, only to find out later that the person had made unnecessary purchases that had resulted in the dire need of a financier. And I was that financier (Fyi, I was an unknowing financier haha). Was I a schmuck or what!? Thank God that’s all behind me now. A painful lesson that was, but I sure learned.
Take lessons from me. That’s why I often mention that we need to practice good financial management. Betrayal happens a lot. Especially nowadays, when money is extremely tight. This is also why people become very cynical. You can’t blame them. If what had happened to me happens to you, you’d become very wary in the end too.
You can only do so much to help others. They need to help themselves. And if they get themselves into a similar rut again, it’s really their own doing, and nobody else’s. And they need to own up to it!!! *Ugh* So if you happen to be the recipient of a bouncing check, just pray for the person who wronged you, and pray that he/she wakes up one day and learns that what he/she is doing, is wrong, and that he/she needs serious help. And if he/she doesn’t learn, then think of it as a very expensive and invaluable life lesson. (Be positive about it– being positive got me through it. Oh and of course prayer did a lot too!)
I believe in karma. If you get away with swindling others or not paying for your financial obligations in your lifetime, your progeny and the next generation might not be so lucky with money or with life for that matter. Sounds morbid, right? So I hope that thought makes us all decent people, decent enough not to be swindlers, cheaters, and thieves. I don’t want to sound like a self-righteous person, after all, I too have my financial *ahem* moments (Oh Gawd, bills, bills, and more bills!!!). But I just know I’d never run off from my payment obligations, especially if I were to borrow money from other people.
Lessons to learn during these times: Do NOT overspend. Spend within your means. Don’t write out checks left and right to people if you can’t fund it. BE RESPONSIBLE. KNOW YOUR FINANCIAL CAPABILITY. And please, have some integrity! Not living in a “prime” location or owning that bag and that big pair of diamond earrings isn’t going to make you any less of a person. MONEY DOESN’T GROW ON TREES (even heirs/ heiresses have to work or the pot of money gets depleted!)
That being said, those who do have the money don’t have to stop spending completely. A recessionista doesn’t sacrifice and abstain– she just makes compromises 🙂 You have to be responsible consumers too and help the economy! Instead of a Chanel or an Hermes, why not go for a Longchamp tote? 🙂 
It may still tug at your wallet, but at least it won’t leave a gaping hole in your savings 😀 (And hopefully you won’t bounce a check in the process hahaha)
x
Mrs.T
i know what you mean, Mrs.T cos I also was cheated out of my money. I lent large cash out to my friend who said her parents were both sick, then she take advantage and run off with the money to fund a rest house. Pag tinatawagan ko para mangulekta dami pang seremonias tapos di din niya pala babayaran ang utang niya kesyo gipit daw sila. Ang galing galing gumawa ng istorya. Professional talaga. Wala talagang etiketa and di marunong mahiya!
Enjoyed this post because it’s a good reality check. That is a terrible revelation though. Who would be crazy enough to do that to you? Or wait, you won’t answer that question of course? Anyway I hope you have healed from such an ordeal. And whoever that person who did that to you was, I’m sure she’ll get a dose of her own medicine one day too.
-Ash
“As long as I’m not bouncing checks left and right, or professionally swindling decent people of their money…”
Hmmmm… sounds familiar. Somebody we know?
Mrs T, how can we send u an email to ask a personal opinion? Please set up one anonymous/discreet one! Thanks! I hope u consider ! x0x0
professional utangeros and utangeras will make u feel like u owe them money. As soon as u give them ur money its like they forget they ever owed u. And u have to remind them about it. And u end up feeling bad because u are forced to remind theyre obligations. There is a reason why their called professionals.
These days no one is immune to your experience. You can sue if they don’t pay. The legal route to collect is always an option just don’t let them get away with not paying.
I found it a most trying position lending money. Felt embarrassed at having to remind the lender about the money owed, and at the same time resentful as to why I have to do it (remind, inquire about the repayment). Shouldn’t a decent person take it upon herself to call and assure her lender (once in a while) when the obligation will be paid?
OMG! I know what you mean Mrs T! I am related to a “professional borrower”. This person borrows from everyone she can squeeze money from. (even from people who she knows earns so much less then her) What ticks me off is seeing her with her signature bags here & there & living a a lifestyle she cannot afford while I know she owes thousands if not hundred of thousands to various people including family members.
What also gets my blood boil is the manner she borrows the money. Dictating how it should be given or sent. Always wanting the money right away (so you cannot think twice about the reason she is giving for borrowing) Saying lines like –
“So… can you lend me or not?!?”. As if it is other peoples obligation to lend her!
You know what sometimes, just to make her stop… I want to post a photo of her somewhere & say –
“BEWARE Swindler on the loose!”
I very much agree with you with this particular entry. I know someone exactly like the person you are describing and really all I can do is pity that person. It’s such a shame because the person has been borrowing money left and right, up and down, and other directions possible. What’s sad is, the person almost always has to say something bad about the people around him/her just to gain the sympathy of his/her new “victims” as I call them. I often ask myself if this person is conflicted with some psychological disease because truly – – his/her actions are beyond COMPREHENSION in my book. Something only you’d think could happen in some soap opera…But no, vile people such as that person I know DO exist. What do do with such people? We don’t know. Sometimes you just want them exposed but at the same time, you’re worried about the “innocent” people directly or indirectly involved in that person’s life. I can’t believe that there could be more than one person like that in this world, more so this small city we call Manila.
Honestly, I don’t think people like “them” will ever learn. To date, the person I know still think he/she is faultless. To date, that person I know continues to spread rumors and or lies about the people around him/her to get his/her way. I guess the ONLY way someone like this will learn is when someone exposes him/her or embarrasses him/her in front of all the people he/she is trying to impress or BE LIKE (I believe that people of this sort have a HUGE chip on their shoulders – – and they think their expensive things can fill in that chip). It’s a truly “hurtful” scenario and something truly evil to wish for someone else. But somehow, someway there has to be poetic justice for the people he/she has swindled.
Peeps, I am so overwhelmed by the comments on this particular post. Overwhelmed and sad. Because I realized that this “swindling” and “bouncing check” incident is actually something of a regular occurrence in our little town. It’s just things like this get discussed in hushed tones still (unless the swindler is a celebrity).
I talked about conspicuous consumption in the past but I really had no idea that it goes to this extent. I’ve known of some who would be borrowing money just to keep up with the Joneses. The thing is, I noticed that the more these people borrowed, the bigger the lies became. They’d go into self-pity, talking about how they have no money for themselves, no personal savings, then I scratch my head in wonder how some can still afford to buy the latest fashion magazines despite their financial predicament. In my case, the person I know who had been wallowing in self- pity (because her partner doesn’t give her enough money etc) didn’t even bother applying for a job– and note I even offered to help land her a job interview! Then of course the excuse later for not pursuing that job interview is that her partner thinks she should not be a mere employee, etc that she should just start her own business. If this person was in DIRE need of money, she’d swallow her pride and ignore the partner’s comment about being an employee, and just get a j-o-b. I hate it when all they do is harp, harp, borrow money, and NOT do anything about their situation and instead, rely on everyone else for a handout or two. I pity people like them. Pride overtakes everything else and then they harp about how little or nothing they have. *Frustrated*
I had given SOOOO much advice to people like her (and oh so much contrition I hear too, ie “I should get a job so I won’t have money problems anymore”…) but then a few months later, the problem remains the same, and still NO job (because people like her REFUSE to take a job!!). I never gave up on this person (I had to be harsh at one point for her to get the message that she should wake up to reality) until one day, my friends around me told me to just quit it. Because if she wants to change, she will do it on her own and she would’ve done it a looong time ago. So I stopped pitying and even to a point stopped communicating with her. As my colleague once said, “Let them swim in it for a bit. The more allow yourself to pity them, the more they’d suck you into their sorry world and then before you know it, you’re the victim because they were able to extract what they wanted from you.”
I fail to see how these people can spin so many lies. I fail to see how they can keep up with their own lies– the stories won’t add up one day, right?
*Sigh* Some people earn minimum wage and work day in and day out, then they willingly lend money to friends who just end up screwing them over. It’s so sad. And yes, you are all right– they probably believe that they are Faultless too.
It’s really sad how a beautiful world like ours has come to this. I wish there was more hope and more determination to make things work (without stepping on another person’s toes or without cheating, lying, and stealing).
At the end of the day, all we can do is just wish them well and pray that they see what they are doing– polluting the beautiful world with vile and deceitful acts on decent people who just don’t deserve to be in their rut.
One option you guys have is to stop talking about people like the person you are talking about. Stop blogging about them. Stop complaining.
I’m not saying this in “defense” of people like them, but I do have a theory.
People like that are some sort of emotional vampires and get satisfaction from stirring emotions such as the ones you all express in this blog. They enjoy “the attention”. They feed on it. God knows what people like this can do. For all you know they can pretend to be sick just to get some sort of attention.
I’m, in a way hoping you all run in the same circle and are all talking about one person because I don’t want to think that there are THAT many swindlers in Manila.
So I can assume that you wouldn’t be surprised if I told you that there are those in your own circle that are just trying to keep up with the Joneses? You would never know because they go on lavish vacations, drive the right cars, collect the right (H) bags, have the right address… but behind closed doors have zero savings and trouble paying their mortgage. One can only deceive themselves for so long… or until they are forced to liquidate some things
When someone borrows from you — you are an angel to that person. But when it is time to pay you back — you suddenly get transformed into a devil — even if the loan was interest free. I have learned my lesson.
For these times, it may be best to live below your means.
I think I know the person you are blogging about.
All I can tell you, Ms, Jackie is “good luck”. Don’t even worry about that person. Don’t even think about that person. That person has been doing that person’s “business” for the past XX and really, that person is GUILTLESS.
I hope that person does meet someone who will stand up to his “profession”
Insane comments, peeps. I actually do get that attention seeking sickness theory of one of the comment posters. I think it only ends when they get “outed” as swindlers etc etc. Only then do they attempt to make a conscious effort to reform, and then when all is forgotten, they go back and start over again (the borrow money- sob story cycle continues).
I also have heard stories about some society peeps who walk around with bodyguards and expensive cars and the works and basically have a lot of debt without looking like they do. At some point you have to realize that society itself is what drives many people to want to keep up with the Joneses. I guess in these hard economic times, it is time to scale back and simplify. Why worry if you cant show your peers that you cant afford the latest designer shoes from Louboutin or that Stephen Sprouse bag. Dreaming of having it is free 🙂 this was the reason why I wanted to have this blog. Ogling is free, window shopping is free (ok, it’s relatively free- you have to pay for transportation cost or parking… Or both. hehe)
I feel like i contradict myself when i say this, but really, it gets to a point when you ask yourself, when is enough,enough? The line between want and need is blurred because of all the advertising and product marketing we see, but once we take a few steps back, we realize that we dont have to have everything (this is also a lesson to me, what with my credit card bills arriving… Sob). And more importantly, if we do want something, we have to make sure it’s because we want it for ourselves and not because we want to show others we have this or that. And even more importantly, we dont have to go into debt to be able to buy it and keep it. And if you can no longer keep it, sell it! thank goodness for the secondary market.
As for the swindlers in manila, i know a good 6 incidents to date. There are people who need financial help genuinely (prolonged illness, death in the family), but there are also those who deceive others and pretend they need help. And those who get helped sincerely by people and still have galls to say bad things about the very people who lent them money are just ingrates who don’t deserve to be helped. At all.
I pray you peeps don’t get to experience what i had gone through. I never, ever forgot what this person did. Because I sincerely wanted to help this person. It was unconditional. I still cringe and get disgusted at the very thought of how gullible I was to have been deceived and betrayed. *frustrated sigh* I guess that’s life- God’s little way of editing your friends who are keepers for life, and those who don’t deserve to be called friends at all. In the very end, the result is all good 🙂
QZ: Please go ahead and ask the question on the comments page, i wont publish it
I can relate very well with your blog and all the other comments. I had my share of being “swindled”. But as they say, “ipa sa-Diyos na lang”. But let me share the lesson I learned, if someone comes to me to borrow money, I don’t lend the full amount he needs, I only give the amount I’m willing to part with should I don’t get paid back. In most cases, I don’t get paid.
I hear stories that these same people need money from time to time, but I’m one person they can’t go back to, since they have existing loans.;-)
from QZ:
Sorry I keep on asking/commenting. I just want to know how bad it is/was. But, were you ever paid? Has she even tried to pay you at least in installment? How much did she borrow?
QZ: Email me at tresormakati@gmail.com please
just to show “tekk me who your friends are and I will tekk you who you are” puro kasi kayo mga social climber.
Does your “friend” own a Balenciaga, at least 2 Goyards and a couple of Louis Vuittons? I know someone who has consistently and persistently borrowed from people around her at the same time bad-mouthed those same people to others.
What makes us wonder is, she claims she “needs” money BUT she owns all those expensive bags. Why doesn’t she just sell those bags if she is in DIRE need for cash.
Some people just need to be exposed.
I met a girl it very much like the person you described in your blog. I used to LOVE luxury bags of all kinds, even those that SCREAMED the brand, but after meeting her, monograms made me vomit. I equated it with pretentiousness, superficiality and hypocrisy. She owned the latest and loudest of luxury bags – -ones that had its brand splashed on it (to this day I am haunted by her personalized Goyard bag, which personally I thought was really tacky..sorry!). She was so boastful and spoke condescendingly towards everyone else around her (who didn’t own bags like hers, hahah). Later on, I found out she was borrowing money from the same people she was bad-mouthing! Whats worse is, like your “former” friend, she would use these sob stories like, she didn’t have money to pay for her utilities (OMFG!!!), how her daughter was sick, etc. I hated the way she used her daughter to extort money from her friends and family. People like her should and must be exposed. I’m actually tempted to type down her initials here 🙂
as will smith said – “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.”
I think my observation is that some people around you who are maybe your friends or aquaintance might want to impress you or your other friends to seem to belong. That’s why they would go risk their finances to go bankrupt to own bags and what else things to look fancy and look like they’re rich too. I know one lady who borrows money to be able to raise money to send her child to British School. Why is the local private school not good enough for her? Problem is, people like her, they all end up looking like social climbers. Hate to say but you probably have friends or people you know who are like that so be careful who you befriend now. Why dress to impress everybody or anybody except yourself. I completely agree with the anonymous writer who said to live below your means. Times like these you need to be low key. Enough party party live the high life already. It got people in trouble with those revelation blogs. These people who swindle and borrow without conscience should be afraid they get revealed already.
Social swindling= social climbing trying hard wanna bees. O, so many of them in Manila too. Coming to the parties nearest you. Keep your cash to yourself and stay away from them and you are spared from the swindling disease.
such foul ethics. Is she still your friend?? It doesn’t seem like you are still trying to help but that is better because, I hope you don’t surround yourself with people like that!
How unscrupulous! Are these two seperate people you are talking about? Where are they now, are they still victimizing other people?
Funny how one person made a comment about someone who would borrow money to fund her child’s British School educ. While I understand that you only want the BEST for your child, if your income can’t afford you to send your child to British School or ISM, why force your child to study there? There are “less expensive” schools that are good anyway.
Interestingly, the girl I know, makes all these excuses why she doesn’t want to send her child to the “Local” Private schools – – and to think those schools she talks “ill” about are considered the “best” among the “local” private schools. Mayayabang daw ang graduates ng mga eskwelahan na yun,that’s why she’s hoping she can send her child to some IS (ISM, BSM, Sing-I.S, Chinese I.S) I have a strange feeling she just wants to send her chld to those schools so she can keep up with the Jonases – -which is sad really.