Oh dear, where had all those months gone? In the blink of an eye, it was 2016. And in another blink, it’s already June– so where did all the 6 months go? I have honestly been cruising along in the last few weeks. Confession: I don’t think I ever got over jet lag. Drat, this is an age thing already. I still remember the years when my Mom used to travel with my Dad– and how she said it took her weeks to get back to normal programming. And she said back then that it also had to do with age. During those days, it only took me a day or two to adjust my body clock. Now that I’m nearing my Mom’s age when she told me that, I can relate. It is horrible. And not only does jet lag hit you, I think you also experience these personal life crises– like yes, midlife crisis, identity crisis… you know, the kind that you would only hear or read about when you were younger *and scoff because you just knooooow you would neverrrrr go through that when you get older. HAH, surprise! You will hahaha! Don’t worry I’m not about to buy myself a Porsche (besides, that’s what the stereotypical male suffering from midlife crisis would buy LOL). 1. I can’t afford a Porsche (most important of all before #2 LOL) 2. I”m not male and I’m sure of that LOL, 3. I don’t need to drive an expensive, fast car to feel young or cool (if that’s one of their reasons for buying a fast and expensive car)– sorry that’s for highly insecure individuals *insert major LOL*. 3. And even if I were male, I don’t need a nice, expensive car to pick up nubile bodies just to internally refute a nagging and painful fact that I’m getting older and that I’m no longer a spring chicken *sorry only losers would do that to lure in even more pathetic losers who fall for that not-so-financially- cheap but still a “cheap shot” trap LOL*. Ok, ok don’t react violently please LOL– I’m only reiterating what is a societal stereotype for men who suffer mid-life crises! I’m a woman, and I had my nose job. So that’s my claim to the female midlife crisis stereotype hahaha. Did that last year *fist pump yeah*
But yes peeps, I have been going through so much in my private life– so many life changes, and still so many things to get rid of/ loose ends to tie. That’ll all take awhile. Which makes me throw in the towel on certain days and just break out into a silent scream, “I can’t adult todaaaaay!!!” LOL. Oh I’m sure I’m not the only one going through this. My friend tells me that I might not just be going through a midlife crisis, that I might actually be burnt out as well. I have a few times already, privately contemplated on just migrating this blog into this new “thing” that I’m doing. I have also thought about just concentrating on one medium instead of dabbling in three: social media *instagram, snapchat, Facebook, blog, my Huffington Post column which I need to revive by the way*, print *newspaper*, television *my TV show, the 3rd season of which just wrapped up recently*. I can’t split myself 6 ways– remember I still have very important responsibilities to my families, and to my business partner in retail. I hate that feeling of defeat, and I admit, oftentimes, I do feel defeated. Because this is one of those times that I am unashamed to say that really, I can’t do all that I’ve enumerated above, alone. And in the last decade, I have done most of that alone without the help of any assistant. I have already begun to feel defeat and exhaustion (haha refer back to midlife crisis– it’s an age thing, older people tire faster LOL). I had never been good at delegating work in the past. Let’s just say that I have trust issues LOL– yes, and I admit, it is something I definitely need to work on, stat. I don’t want to carry that burden onto the next year of my life anymore, no thanks!! But yes, because I did not delegate a lot of other tasks, I impeded my own productivity. Ahhh there you go, I said it. There are a lot of “I should have done this… that” woven into this paragraph 🙂 *Hey, at least I have admitted it!*
You may have noticed that my blog posts became few and far between. I went from blogging daily, to blogging four times a week, to blogging just once a week or worse, once every two weeks. Here is another confession: while I’d have loved to keep churning bag stories day in and day out, I have honestly become rather exhausted doing that as well. In the last few years, I have written only about the bags that I feel merited a blog writeup. Many of the bags I see that I find interesting, just end up on Instagram with lengthier captions, in place of proper blog posts. And gosh, you know what too, it has been awhile since a bag blew my mind the way it used to (and frequently too) several years ago. I did not want to keep writing bullshit or blah posts about bags if they don’t even move me in some way (either positively or negatively). And perhaps that’s also what made this blog’s readership decline over the years, because I rarely write this way anymore– lengthier, and with much more “raw” emotion. Thing is though, I often asked this question as well too– do people still read blogs? Because while bloggers were once the celebrated people in my industry, the ones that now reign supreme are the social media influencers (a.k.a. instagrammers). The audience has evolved into visually hungry creatures that they’d rather look at perfectly edited photos and highly curated accounts over reading lengthy and meaty stories. This is actually a fact. Readership of even the more popular personal blogs have dropped, in place of Instagram and of late Snapchat. Everyone wants their own video “channel”. Their own reality show. Yes, that’s a fact. We are all producers, photographers, and stars now. And we want content now. Not in the next hour. NOW.
Truth: I do miss writing. You know, the kind of writing without reservation, the kind of writing where you don’t care about what people will say and just spit out everything that’s going on in your head and everything that you feel in your heart. Actually, pretty much writing the way I’m writing now 🙂 I think I came to the point where I worry because my children are grown up now and have access to the internet. They might have already ventured into this blog just to read how I write or what I write about *big gulp hence the growing censorship haha*. Or their schoolmates might also stumble upon this blog and make the connection (if their parents haven’t told them– which I hope they don’t hahaha, but oye better be safe than sorry). But hey, don’t ask me why I am writing like this again now 🙂 This is seriously a good thing. If I go back to writing this way every night and publishing something this meaty for someone’s reading pleasure and humor, I’d really be so grateful. Shucks. Or maybe I’m just hormonal which is why I decided to write like this today LOL. Crap I should never complain about being hormonal. I should embrace it *cough, while I still have it LOL* Or maybe I’m also just tired of educating myself about another online platform that I can’t quite grasp but am still stubbornly unwilling to work with someone over just yet (because I refuse to think that I can’t learn it on my own the way many others *cough millennials* have* . Call it pride LOL)– and I needed to vent. *!#*&@#!?! Hahaha… ah that’s better 🙂 But this kind of writing makes me uncomfortable at times too. It leaves me rather unsettled. You see, one of the few things I was taught in school when it came to writing was to make sure that my story has an introduction, a body, and a solid ending. That each story I write has to come together. I think for the most part, I’ve made that happen on this blog. But let today be the exception please. Let today be the one day you give me a hall pass again and say, it’s ok, let The Bag Hag rant. Hopefully she will be able to tie all this together in the end 🙂 Please don’t give me a failing mark in writing just yet haha. I don’t know where all this writing is going, to be honest.
Sigh. It’s 12:10 am. By this time normally, I am already in bed with the lights turned off, but with my phone still in my hand and actively in use. When I can’t sleep, I read. I read online periodicals. At times I also read personal essays on human behavior. Because human behavior continues to fascinate me– to the point that my friends know that I love conducting social experiments, none of which I’ve ever talked about to people (other than to my close friends), written about or published anywhere. What do I get out of those? On a large scale for now, nothing. But on a personal level, I have learned so much. Not just about other people, but also a lot more about myself, a lot more about what I don’t want to become. On a micro level, I figured a lot out. But on a macro level, I am still lost, perhaps even more lost than when I began. Hence the internal struggle/ tug-of-war situation within myself– hello identity crisis! I beat myself over this time and again, and the very few dear friends of mine who know me well would always tell me to stop doing this. Because there are several versions of myself that I am still trying so hard to reconcile. And I look at my other friends who have a lot more figured out than I have and I ask them, don’t you ever question yourself? I should ask you this– do you know who you are? Do you have these internal struggles about your identity? Yup, this paragraph officially ends with a question (prior to this last statement).
I think tonight’s not the night for ending this post with a solid conclusion. Because this is an ongoing experience that still has no one answer. The birthday bug struggle is real, peeps! Boooooo!!! But wait, one thing I’m pretty certain of tonight (apart from the fact that yes, there are a few crises I wrote about that I am going through at the moment) is this– I am actually not hankering for a new bag for my birthday… *Shock, stun, horror, jaw drop* LOL (yes, I still have not lost that shallow side of me– that everything still has to be related to a bag in the end hahaha). But then again, my birthday is still 3 days away. And you and I know that A LOT can still happen in three days 🙂 And oh, mental note to self: please, not another overpriced Chanel bag that you’ll cough up blood to pay for LOL… like this vintage film projector bag from the Paris- in-Rome collection
It is, I admit, really cute, and is a bag almost *but not quite* related to my line of work in the last few years. I dared not ask the price because if you must ask… LOL! Here is an action shot. Tsk. So cute and yet just so bloody overpriced! *Grumbles* Haha (oh yeah, grumpiness is also a sign of old age hahaha… hormones haha).
Anyway peeps, I’m going to turn off my laptop now. My eyes are actually tired– for a change! And this post was a good self- psychologizing session which left me with a huge grin on my face haha *ok I am being all weird now because it’s not like I just figured “it” all out after tonight’s blabbermouth post LOL* Sorry epiphany did not happen yet or else you’d literally hear me screaming on this post right now 😀
Oh and last shameless plug: if you hate reading lengthy posts like this and would rather just watch me (or not hahaha) do my silly, stupid thing , there is always my Snapchat: THE_BAGHAG 🙂 Download the app and follow me there!
P.S. I would really love to hear your thoughts on this, and perhaps you’ll be able to shed more light on tonight’s topic too! I miss hearing from you the way I used to. Hellooooo, you peeps still there? 🙂