Most of my years from this decade were spent caring too much. Too much that in the process of being concerned for others, I allowed myself to be hurt and to be taken advantaged of, on more than a few occasions. I always thought after each incident, I’d learn. But I didn’t! And so the cycle continued, with the chain remaining unbroken for years.
Then, something changed shortly after my birthday last June 2019.
It was the time I said, “Enough is enough.” And while most of my previous years were spent on being sincerely concerned for too many people, a handful of whom took advantage, 2019 became the year I stopped blaming them for taking advantage of me. Instead, I took accountability for what happened– because for years it was in fact my own doing; I had allowed them to do it to me. As a result of my taking full responsibility for my actions, 2019 became a great year. I have finally come to terms with the kind of person I really am– sure I can be very self- righteous in many ways (and I apologize for that when it does happen), but I cannot ever compromise when it comes to telling the truth, being honest, and having integrity.
I place a great importance on these values. I prefer to tell the truth and not be the popular person in the room because of it, over telling lies just to please everyone and be on everyone’s good side. I prefer people who are honest with me to my face, even if what they say will hurt my feelings. I choose that over people who butter me up with sweet lies or fibs. I am done with people who lie, no matter how small their lies may be. This is a non- negotiable.
2019 has been an excellent year because of all the realizations which actually began not long after my Holy Land trip– it was my catalyst for change.
It is during this year that I began taking out distractions in my life. It is in 2019 that I had bravely walked away from people whom I had allowed to use me for years without the fear of a distorted narrative they were to paint of me to others. I walked away without regret or remorse. Because I know the truth, and because the universe knows that same truth. If I may be honest, walking away from toxic relationships (masked as friendships) was actually the best thing I did for myself. I became emotionally healthier, stronger, and more focused. I practiced gratitude more often, spent less time zeroing in on the negatives of the different challenges hurled my way, and directed my attention to what mattered the most. I became productive and more efficient in the last months.
Another strong realization for 2019 is this and it is based not only from personal experience but also from observing many others on social media: you will never find peace and contentment by having an abundance of material things. All that really does is feed your hidden insecurities– temporarily. In fact, the desire to fulfill that material “need” becomes an obsession, almost like an incurable disease. You get addicted to public adulation. You think you are lucky not because of what you have, but because you believe people envy you for what you have. You end up wanting to have more, and wanting to have it better than everyone else. If you’ve fallen into this pathetic vortex of wanting to be the subject of everyone’s envy, you have sadly equated your presence in society with your material possessions. In the end, all that makes you is vacuous and shallow. You have proved nothing to anyone because not everyone cares about owning what you have. Not everyone shares that kind of material “obsession” or priority. And you can never, ever sincerely earn the respect of people by showing off what you can afford to buy– all that does is attract human leeches.
You want to earn real, honest- to- goodness respect? Keep your head down, be humble, and work hard in silence. Your success (not self- broadcast nor paid PR- broadcast) will be your noise.
Anyway peeps, I am happy to continue this path of realization for 2020, and am hoping everyone gets to share the same, if not a similar journey with me. It’s really true what they say (not cliché at all)– the truth sets you free, and the earlier you embrace and accept it, the happier and more content you become.
Maybe these realizations come with age, but the more honest you are with yourself and with those around you, the more you attract the deserving kind of people meant to be in and to stay in your life ?
What a decade it has been, but it’s nearly time to close that door. Take one last look at it, say thank you for everything that those 10 years had brought you, and lock that past away. A symbolic gesture sure, but this is not just another new year that’s about to start, it’s a brand new decade! Major moment, peeps!
Goodbye, 2019– the decade when I cared too much!
Happy 2020, everyone! Be grateful for what you have– for family, for friends, for love, and especially for the life you live everyday. I wish you all a new decade full of wonderful possibilities, and one that is filled with even more love, happiness, courage, honesty, and positivity!